


Caught Up in a Dream

by soniagiris



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Compliant, Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2019-09-02 20:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16794277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soniagiris/pseuds/soniagiris
Summary: And I feel life for the very first time.Akira and Yusuke, fates tangling and twining, swirling towards endlessness.





	1. feathers

**Author's Note:**

>   * a shukita ficlets collection! here i plan to collect fics that are less than 0.5k words long, mainly crossposted from my tumblr. hope you enjoy c:
>   * title and summary taken from oh wonder's song 'technicolour beat', which never fails to make me think about them shukitas o/
> 


**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * **warnings in the end notes**
>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and @lod, thank you c:
> 


"You look like shit."

Yusuke scowls. "How crude," he says. "Truly, Akira, never did I expect such language from you." Wordlessly _ ,  _ he begs, _ please be enough to change the topic, please be enough, please, he can't ask, he can't know— _

There's a glint in Akira's eyes as he cuts them at Yusuke, yet he doesn't reply. Simply pours two cups of coffee and sets them on a tray, along with a bowl of cookies, then takes it upstairs. Yusuke follows, of course — where food goes, he goes. 

The cookies turn out to be the chocolate chip and orange peel kind. How wonderful. He immediately starts nibbling on another one —

"So, Futaba and I were talking, and something she said got me worried about you."

—and then chokes on it. "Akira, by god," Yusuke says hoarsely as soon as he can breathe again. "You truly should not." He sips his coffee, then lays his hand on his lap, curling the palm so his nails dig into the skin of his upper thigh, still hot and aching after yesterday.

Suddenly Akira's sitting beside him, not on his bed like he always is, and tugging on his wrist, pulling it away. "Yeah, sure," he says. Yusuke gazes at him, at his creased eyebrows and clenched jaw, and thinks, hypocritically and not very elegantly,  _ well, I appear to be fucked. _

"W-what did Futaba say to cause you to be concerned about m-me?" he stutters out, still hoping that whatever she told Akira wasn't what he fears it is.

_ (Shower stall, eleven in the evening, water tainted brownish red, the color of rust and rot, the metallic scent, a little silver rectangle kept in an empty matchbox, cheap band-aids bought instead of dinner, pain bright as a lightning, and relief, relief _ — _ ) _

Yusuke drinks more coffee. It tastes like ash.

Akira doesn't move back to his usual seat, doesn't even let go of Yusuke's wrists. His fingers are pleasantly cold.

"She told me a story about a person she used to know." His intonation seems to carry a hint that Yusuke can't get, but before he can ask, Akira adds, "They committed suicide. And before…" He falters, which is highly unnatural. The Akira they all know only speaks when he knows what he wants to say,  _ what _ and  _ how _ and  _ why, _ never stops mid-sentence — but he just did, tripped up over his words merely because he's worried about Yusuke, who is fine, is perfectly okay, doesn't deserve any more attention, unlike Futaba, and look what he did, he made Akira— made him—

"Breathe," Akira says, and his eyes are gray, gray and sad, "It's okay. You're safe." 

His arms are strong as they encircle Yusuke, and the words he speaks are soft. It's dizzying.

And that is, most likely, the reason the dam breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: semi-explicit self-harm depiction; suicide mention; panic attack allusion.**
>   * well. what can i say. off to a great start, eh? just had to vent a bit lmao but dw i gotta proudly admit i've been clean for a month c:
> 



	2. He's Like a Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's really hard, to miss your significant other.

"So..." Akira steeples his fingers on the table, not taking his eyes off Yusuke - whose facial expression is equally emotional to that of a brick.   
"Yes?" he says, just as flatly. Akira heaves a sigh, worthy of a tired beaver or some shit. Metaphors, unlike being gay, are so not his forte.   
"Would you like to tell me what happened to all our pillows?" he asks, removing his glasses to rub the spot between his brows. Yusuke tilts his head owlishly.   
"I missed you," he states, as if it explained anything. Akira puts his glasses back on and stares at Yusuke, who's watching him impassively.   
"Then that's why you put all pillows and cushions on the floor."   
"Well." Yusuke shrugs. "It felt a bit— off, to sleep in our bed without you, so I spent the night there."   
"You could have simply used the couch, you know," Akira points out, barely holding back his ebbing amusement.  _ How _ can one not love this guy, in all honesty.   
"I could have," Yusuke says slowly, "yet I have found out that from the angle on the floor it is possible to look out of the window — and the stars during your leave were particularly bright and enchanting." When Akira starts chuckling, he frowns. "What do you find so funny?"   
"Never change, darling," Akira says, reaching out to take Yusuke's hand and press a kiss to his knuckle. "Please, don't you ever change."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * beta by sparrow @ikuzonos and misty @mistropolis, thank you c:
>   * it's been a while since i posted something new, ik. in my defense - adult life sucks. i don't wanna be an adult anymore, being just an entity with no physical form sounds much more punk rock.
>   * established shukita big good. yusuke with dependency issues - not as good, but still my kind of juice.
> 



	3. creating, suffocating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Don't trust me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by mj @ThisIsNotAQuill and misty @mistropolis, thank you c:
>   * **warnings in the end notes!**
> 


The coffee cups sit on the table between them, untouched, the steam rising and fading into Leblanc's warm air like the words both unspoken and unwanted. Akira folds his hands, never looking away from Yusuke, who's fiddling with the strap of his bag, long fingers shaking ever so slightly. The trepidation is clear on his expression.

His voice trembles as he speaks. "W-what exactly do you mean by that?" 

"I mean what I said," Akira says gently. "Don't trust me," he repeats. "At least not this much." He leans back and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'm not blind, you know. For all these months, you've been all too damn willing to follow us— to follow  _ me  _ without asking a single question." 

"That's because I have faith in you as a leader and a person." Yusuke tilts his head, gives Akira a confused look. "So why..."

"Because I became another Madarame to you," Akira says sharply. Yusuke flinches, and in any other case it would make Akira apologize, reach out with comfort, but not now. "You entrusted me with everything, with your present and future, even your fucking love, but I don't know if I can handle it yet. At least not until you get back on your feet." Yusuke is watching him now, raptly, grey eyes big and confused and hurt.

"What you're saying is..." he doesn't finish, waits for Akira to do this. To be there for him. To show him the direction.

Fuck, they really should've had this conversation before they started dating.

Another Madarame, huh. Well, so be it — for the last time. 

"That we need a break." Akira drinks his coffee in one gulp. It tastes like ash. He wishes Sojiro — or Mona, or Futaba — were here, to help him out. "That we need to stop before we get in too deep."

Yusuke nods. Then, without a word or a look in Akira's direction, collects his stuff and leaves. Akira waits for a few minutes, then, when he's sure he's alone, cracks his fists against the table until the pain is numbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: abuse reference; trust violation reference; brief self-injury**
>   * cross-posted from my tumblr, where i wrote it for an anon request! 
>   * *keeps writing about yusuke having dependency issues* self-care uwu
>   * anyway. this is the last thing i post in this golly old year of 2018 - so lemme talk about some statistics. 1750 kudos, 202 bookmarks, over 110k words. so - yeah. Nice. so here's to 2019 being even better, both to me and y'all guys who kudo, comment, read, subscribe, bookmark and all that jazz. and, for all of that - thank you c:
> 



	4. Through Pink-tinted Glasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's easy, being impressionable, with a nerd for a boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank you!
>   * no additional warnings apply
> 


“Well, that’s the single most impressive thing I’ve ever seen someone do.”

"Which is?" Akira tilts his head, his fingers still busy with the phone, then grins as the opportunity presents itself. "You mean, me looking so very hot is the most impressive thing you've ever seen someone do, right?"

"No, not exactly," Yusuke replies offhandedly, resting his cheek on his hand and going back to sketching. His eyes flicker from the paper to Akira's hand and back. "I meant you pivoting your phone like that." He points at it with his pencil, then makes a bold stroke and nods to himself. "Your sleight of hand is fairly enviable."

"Oh, this." Akira deflates a bit, then spins the cell again. "I guess it’s fun. I learned it in third grade, when I got my first phone. It was a clunky Siemens that weighed, like, half a tonne, so it took me a while to get good."

"I see..." Yusuke erases something from his drawing. Setting the sketchbook down on the table, he reaches out to take Akira's free hand and squeezes it. "It really did prove itself beneficial, considering your skill with picking locks."

"Yeah, I guess so." Akira closes his eyes in thought. "But the most impressive thing... Dunno."

"I may have exaggerated, but only by a bit." There's a hint of a smile in Yusuke's gentle voice as he says, "Whatever you do, I will always find it awe-worthy, for, after all, you are an extraordinary person, Akira."

Well. Look who's the smooth one, now. Geez.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * ok fun fact this is Very Fuckign Old y'all,,, i'm big gomen to those of you who already read it lmao
>   * also this ficlet was requested on my tumblr o/ where i take requests (sometimes), yeah, you got that right, folks owo
>   * s/o to the shukita discord for motivating me to post this ficlet Even Tho a) it got betaread Only Once and b) my Anxiety is fucking Awful. i hate my anxiety. but i love comments! and kudos!!! *finger-guns while grinning a tad maniacally*
> 



	5. Violets, Begonias, Hellebores

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen to the wind blow, down comes the night—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank u,,,
>   * no additional warnings apply c:
> 


"Why is it suddenly purple?"

"Do you mean... the paint?" Yusuke raises their brush, dipped in pigment, to underline those words, peering at Akira curiously under his long lashes. The boy nods, befuddled. 

"Yeah. I thought you're painting me, and, well." He gestured widely at himself. "I don't see any purple here."

"Indeed. Your monochromatic palette leaves a lot to be desired—" Akira rolls his eyes with a wry smile "—but do not be mistaken, my love." Swiping the brush across the canvas, Yusuke turns around on their heel and proclaims in a voice packed with fervor, "Thanks to your lack of colors, I have mastered the minimalistic style which corresponds marvelously with you — but it is the very time my depiction of you becomes variegated."

Knowing damn well not to feel offended, Akira gets up from his bed, where he has been posing for the initial sketch, and goes to where his partner has set up their equipment.

"So... you're making me purple," he says. "And green. And orange. Any meaning behind these colors?"

"Of course there is!" Yusuke huffs, brows furrowed. "Purple stands for imagination — and you have been my dearest muse for the past year. Green — balance, harmony. You have kept me fed, hydrated, and safe. And orange... Well." They chuckle. "Orange is the color of happiness."

"Wait." Akira laughs, too. "Jesus  _ Christ, _ Yusuke." He stands up on his tiptoes and places a kiss on Yusuke's cheekbone, making them sputter and almost stumble onto the canvas. "That's really sweet."

"Thank you." They smile and go back to painting.

What a huge nerd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * ok listen this ficlet is so fucking old. like. it's from 2017 i think??? idk. u can prolly find the exact date on my tumblr, where i first posted it as a response to a fic prompt ask c:
>   * title from 'the chain' by fleetwood mac. what can i say. it's a nice song.
>   * listen,, nb/trans yusuke is such a Galaxy Brain. it should be made fucking illegal to make me read cis yusuke content >:/// and that the Tea
>   * also pls don't get used to me updating like. more often than once every eclipse or smth i am Bad at that and wouldn't post this fic if it weren't for a discord bot tatsumaki whom i love
> 



	6. fukiburi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everything will work out in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank you c:
>   * no additional warnings apply
> 


the rain crashes against the glass, droplets spilling down like tired tears. you watch those watery tracks, how they blur the sight outside, the graying colors of yongen and the severe sky above. you wince, unable to convince yourself of its harsh beauty.

"are you okay?"

words, words, words. they are kind, like akira's eyes, and they are tilting a bit with tiredness, like the smile curving his lips. you smile back and rub the tips of your fingers together, reveling in how smooth and cool the charcoal covering your skin feels. then you swipe your thumb over the sketch, smudging its face. imperfect, indeed, like the last breath of monsoon crashing against glass, you snatch the faintest wisp of understanding the beauty behind that, and your grip fails you, but that's fine. akira tilts his head, dark strands of hair spilling on his bared shoulder. your eyes catch onto the defined line of his collarbone, sharp and straight, and the soft arch of his neck. milky skin tattered, paling splotches of bruises, brave straightness of his spine. stories written in scars and wounds, love and loyalty.

"i am alright," you say when you can breathe again. "however…" your voice dies down, the last syllable dissolving in your mouth. 

"however?" akira prompts, and you pick yourself up from the floor and sit by his side. "yusuke?"

"thank you," you say. you're not smiling anymore, and you do not seek the beauty. all you can see is  _ akira.  _ there's more than beauty to him. "thank you for saving us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * fukiburi (吹き降り) - driving rain
>   * this is kind of an. experimental fic i suppose? wanted it to be all poetic and shit, idk if it worked out, but eh, have this.
>   * happy belated bday, yusuke! if i had any time for myself, i would've written you smth new, but, for now, have some softness with your boyfriend.
> 



	7. Your Fingerprints on Household Things (I'm Too Sad to Touch)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Don't go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank u Gays c:
>   * **additional warnings in the end notes!**
> 


"Don't go."

It's childish. So very, very childish, to cling on without wishing to ever move, yet, in this particular moment, Yusuke allows himself such undignified behavior — and it doesn't seem as if Akira minds, judging by how tight the embrace he returns is, familiar arms wrapped around Yusuke, warm breath on his skin. The air of Leblanc's attic in the evening is light and soft in the evening glow, uninterrupted by any sounds other than two sets of heartbeats, and the scent of coffee as intimate as the expanse of Akira's skin. 

"I have to," Akira murmurs softly, chapped lips brushing Yusuke's cheek. "I'm sorry."

"There has to be— another way," Yusuke says, sounding too helpless for his own liking. "There must be. Something that shall not involve you risking your life, something—" He racks his brain, attempts to find a solution. He does not succeed, so he merely pulls Akira even closer, until the borders of their bodies begin to blur. 

"Maybe there is." Akira sounds distant, almost dreamy. "But we're out of time." His muscles tighten, and there's a crack in his voice. Yusuke ponders pulling away to get a proper look, yet does just the opposite; closes his eyes, stills his frantic heart and keeps himself placid.

"Are you afraid?" he murmurs. Akira exhales with a hint of laughter, which makes Yusuke reconsider his words. He cringes. "I'm sorry. You— I assume that you must be."

"Yeah. Like hell." He chuckles again. It does sound quite sorrowful. Helpless, in a way. Or maybe Yusuke is, once again, overthinking, looking for a hole in what is whole. "But it's too late—"

"Maybe not," Yusuke cuts in.

"—so I would like to talk with you." He is the one to move back and rise up, sitting down on the balls of his feet and grasping onto Yusuke's shoulders, pulling him upwards, gaze as sharp as Fox's katanas. "I  _ need _ to talk with you."

"What about?" Yusuke's mouth is dry. How strange. And the way Akira holds himself, spine straight and head now turned away... 

"Worst case scenario. I die."

"D-don't—"

"It may happen." Akira waits a few breaths before continuing, "You gotta know that if something happens to me, you will live 'cause you are stronger than you think." He catches Yusuke's eye, brows furrowed. "You have to live. Promise me."

"Akira, I—" 

It's hard to form words as they crumble into minuscule, bitter pieces on Yusuke's tongue, and there's a peculiar burning sensation in his eyes; he thinks there's an earthquake for a sliver of a second before realizing it is him who's quivering, scared of the path yet to be treaded, of a future unshaped. He blinks the tears back, squeezes the fabric of Akira's soft comforter in his fists, and only then his throat unclogs.

"I'll try to."

"No." Akira shakes his head. "You have to promise." 

Yusuke swallows before whispering, "I promise. I do."

"Thank you," Akira gifts him a saddened smile. "Now I think I'm ready for this."

But now — now, ah, Yusuke is not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: death discussion; anxiety attack allusions.**
>   * title from ex:re's song 'too sad', which is like. a big depresso mood :v
>   * prompt taken from a list reblogged on my tumblr, but no one actually requested it - so i just wrote it myself, to get outta that writer's block shithole. *shrugging emoji*
>   * more yusuke with dependency issues? of course :) you can :) count on me in :) that matter :)))
> 



	8. domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank you! c:
>   * no additional warnings !
> 


After five years of living with Yusuke Art-Is-My-Passion Kitagawa, one would expect they would be prepared for absolutely everything. Two canvases covered in splashes of pink paint? Sure. Some weird-ass Slovenian (or maybe Czech) punk rock music blasting from the speakers? Why the hell not. Finding the nerd in question stoned like a ladybug and lying on the floor, sketching brick walls? Been there, done that, didn't get a t-shirt.

Yet, when Akira walks into the apartment, he does feel surprised. A lot. Whole lotta lot.

"Why the hell is there fucking glitter everywhere?" he squawks out, trying to shake it off his shoes.

Yusuke peeks out from behind his easel and says, "Art," then goes back to doing... whatever the fuck he's been doing.

Art. Of course.

Akira gives up and dumps his stuff into a pile of glitter, then heaves out a sigh, walking to his boyfriend. When he checks out the canvas, he does find it absolutely covered in little sparkles. He squints. Tilts his head. Then burst out with helpless laughter.

"That's this fucking clown figurine you had in your dorm room," he proclaims, then stands on his toes to kiss Yusuke on the cheek — promptly causing him to drop his paintbrush.

"Y-yes, it is," Yusuke stutters out. "Why, is there a problem with that?" The tips of his ears, Akira notes in satisfaction, have turned a beautiful shade of red.

There he is, one of the best young artists in Japan, former Phantom Thief, and a  _ total  _ and  _ utter _ dork, flooding his place with glitter and painting a clown.

"Never change," Akira requests. Yusuke nods, still flustered like hell, and returns to tending to his newest masterpiece.

To Morgana's loud irritation (punctuated with sneezes), they don't  _ ever  _ get rid of all the glitter. Akira doesn't care, because he has a bucket of it left so he can throw it at Futaba when she pisses him off. The first time he does so, Yusuke laughs so loud that he ends up breathless.

Akira for the win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * crossposted from my tumblr! same url as here btw. check out my tumblr. there's gay shit.
>   * yusuke is totally the kind of dude who would do weird art shit just for the sake of doing it. kinda just. you know. experimenting. mixing art mediums. :v
>   * *dabs aggressively* it is past 11pm here and i am Sad, Hangry and In Dire Need of Validation. o/ so here we go ig
> 



	9. a little bit lost without you (dorks ahoy!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank u gays
>   * no additional warnings apply c:
> 


"That's... quite outrageous." Pulling away, Yusuke shakes his head as he gives Akira a stern look. "You do realize that, yes?"

Akira shrugs, unable to force off a smirk. "Sure do, honey," he says lazily. He taps his foot, then stretches out on the sofa, careful to place his head on Yusuke's lap so he can give him puppy eyes. Yusuke scoffs and raps his pencil on Akira's nose. "What was that for?"

"Please let me finish my drawing instead of attempting to distract me with your— your—" And  _ there  _ he goes, blushing like a high-school girl on a first date. "Your w-words, Akira."

"Why not?" Akira grins. "You  _ like  _ my words. And my voice. And me. And, hey, I like you. Like and love."

"Hm!" Yusuke rolls his eyes before pushing Akira off himself (at least he does it gently) and retreating in the direction of their bedroom. "You're simply awful." Now the redness has spread to the back of his neck, Akira notices with pride. "Expect me not to return before I am done."

"Babe, I missed you! We were apart for a week, after all! I gotta fill the flirting quota!" Akira calls after him, chuckling. "Babe! Wait, no, don’t take kissing away from me. Sweetheart! Come back to me!"

About to close the door after himself, Yusuke turns on his heel and stares Akira down. He's smiling too, with fondness and a tad of exasperation. "I did miss you as well, yes— but this drawing cannot wait for me to receive your affection!" he proclaims, and slam goes the door.

Akira sighs. "At least I tried," he says morosely. 

Mona sticks his head out of the kitchen and replies, "You sure did." Akira sticks his tongue out at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * title (well, the first part) from oh wonder's without you. what can i say. i fucking love me some oh wonder.
>   * also I Do Be Known that there's shukita week going on rn and it really sucks i haven't written anything for it :( but at least i can drop a li'l ol' drabble that's prolly older than sliced bread
>   * crossposted from my tumblr! i think my gf king @cytrynisz (@Kinioludek here) requested it - and they got it, some sweet fluffy plotless soft feelsy shukita 
> 



	10. lost between words and lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * **content warnings in the end notes**
>   * beta by misty @mistropolis and sparrow @ikuzonos, thank yew,,,,
> 


"Please come get me," Akira whispers into the phone held in one shaking, sweaty hand. "Please. I— I made a mistake. Please. I'm in Shibuya underground, in the bathroom, please, come here, Yusuke—" He chokes on words that won't come out.

"I'll be there soon," Yusuke says in a tight sort of voice, then hangs up. Akira lets his phone clatter onto the tiled floor, then curls up on the toilet seat, pulling his limbs as close to his torso as he can without disturbing his broken rib.

Broken. Bruised. Bloodied.  _ Broken. _

He bites his lip, swallows down a helpless sob. Fucking hell. He's— Now, he's past feeling scared—

(the police officer he'd seen had the same look in his eyes as that detective who almost snapped akira's leg in half. the same look, bored and cold. he was just standing by the entrance to the shibuya train station, watching over milling masses of people, but when he met akira's eyes, the hell hidden underneath akira's trademark little smirks and glints of light on his glasses broke free)

—and inching towards embarrassment. 

Fucking  _ hell. _ Way to stay inconspicuous, Akira, having a panic attack and some flashbacks while on his way to get weapons for tomorrow's excursion to Shido's palace. Awesome. Brilliant. He groans, berating himself in between calming his breaths.

Someone calls his name, gently but with firmness, and Akira kicks the wall of the bathroom stall he's tucked himself into. Yusuke gets the hint and opens the door, immediately rushing to Akira's side. The space is way too small for the two of them, yet they make do, Yusuke's thin, boney form curled over Akira as they huddle on the dirty, slightly sticky floor.

They stay silent for a few minutes, then Yusuke says, "Truth be told, I do not think I know much about comforting others. All I can say is that you shall be alright in the long run." That makes Akira laugh a little, and he leans into his partner's chest — his slender, calloused fingers rub at Akira's cheeks, wiping away the wetness.

"You're fine," he says, a bit hoarsely. "I don't think I know much about being the one comforted either. What a pair we are." He sniffs, the tightness in his throat slowly receding. "Let's— Let's go home."

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: explicit panic attack/ptsd flashback description; violence mention; canon police brutality allusions.**
>   * requested by bri @EvilMuffins on tumblr, thank you c: guys, check out bri's fics, i wish i was half as skilled as she is
>   * writing this hurt me
> 



	11. you're in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * **no additional warnings apply c:** (at least this time. what can i say. hurting your faves is so much fun, but sometimes you gotta give them a break...... and then _have them break_ c: )
>   * beta by the wonderful misty @mistropolis and the amazing sparrow @ikuzonos - guys, check out the works of both of them, they're really good. just yesterday, sparrow had me yelling when they updated their fangan. legit fucking yelling. worth it.
> 


Reminder to self — never ever go to Mementos with less than two-thirds of the team, let alone with only one person, again. Never _ ever. _ It's begging for troubles, problems, issues — oh, and a few difficulties too. 

Sighing, Joker takes off his mask and tucks it inside his coat pocket. Less than a heartbeat later, the usual flair of dramatics fades from him, and he turns back into Akira — but an Akira who's in Metaverse, tired from a fight, and trying to figure out what to do with his boyfriend that has passed out and is currently sprawled out on the trails. 

Well. At least Yusuke is finally getting some sleep. He spent the last two weeks working his ass off on his newest painting, only resting when he’s unable to hold his paintbrush anymore.  _ Honestly, what an idiot, _ Akira thinks fondly. Letting out another sigh, he bends down to pick up Yusuke from the floor. He's breathing steadily, which easies Akira's worries a bit, and his head lolls to the arch of Akira's neck where it fits perfectly. The ends of his hair are stark blue against the black coat. Loosened up and freed from the usual fears by the sleep, Yusuke looks almost like a normal teenager, innocent youthfulness blending with just a hint of wisdom and maturity, and it makes Akira smile softly.

"Hey there," he murmurs, making his way to the rest area, careful not to jostle the precious bundle in his arms. "How come I can carry you and your six feet of muscles that easily, hm? Beanpole man." There's a small wrinkle between Yusuke's brows, so Akira presses his lips to it to smooth it down. "Don't worry, I'll get you curry. And ramen. And more. Maybe even snacks." He pauses before adding, in a voice that _ could _ be described as tender, "I'm going to take care of you, okay?" 

Yusuke doesn't speak up, but the way he breathes out softly and relaxes in Akira's arms is enough of an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * this thing was... requested on my tumblr, i think? *checks* yeah, by the user @dahlcore, who's, i think, @kyochisas on ao3. i think. tumblr wumblr has me big confusion.
>   * title from... a song. how shocking, i know. there isn't any deep meaning behind this choice of title, i was just listening to moow's 'you'r in my head' when writing. i think. it was fucking ages ago.
>   * also *falls to the ground* sorry for not participating in neither shukita week, yusuke week, akiren week nor akekita week. nor focken ficweek. it's just. ya know. debresso.
>   * *makes a koala noise and falls off a tree into a pit of molten asphalt* for now that's like all shukita ficlets i got. there's one more but i gotta type it down first. so. yeah. this shit gonna update even less often.
> 



	12. daylight could be so violent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   * **warnings in the end notes**
>   * beta by good ol duo of mimi @mistropolis and sparrie @ikuzonos, thak u
> 


Revelation is a fascinating word. Sounds a bit religious, maybe Christian — or maybe not, Akira doesn't really know — and could be described as what happened to the Thieves' targets. The realization. The world changing its order, its very rules being reshaped, cast in a new light. Looking back at one's past mistakes and finally realizing their weight.

But right now the world revelation is the one Akira could use to think about what has just happened to Yusuke. The strong, collected Yusuke, always carrying an air of dignity and distance — and who is now curled up on Akira's bed, arms tightly wrapped around his trembling self, ash-grey eyes distant with pain.

"I really don't understand," he murmurs. His deep voice sounds breakable, vulnerable; Akira doesn't like it at all. "Why— You, you said it shouldn't have— That Sensei shouldn't have done this to me. Yell or insult or, or hit me, none of that. Right?" 

Akira, sitting besides him, slowly touches his shoulder. "That's right," he says, with as much softness as he can. "You didn't deserve it. No one ever does."

"But I don't— I can't— _ So why _ would he?" When Yusuke finally looks at Akira, his expression is that of pure hurt and confusion. Like a wounded deer watching a hunter step closer and closer to it. It makes Akira taste bile. "Why did he? Was I perhaps… not good enough? I-Is that it?" 

And just like that, the memories of Akira's childhood, so carefully repressed, come flooding in. Screams and silence, anger and disappointment, hands that hurt and hands that push away. Trying not to break down, Akira pulls Yusuke into a hug, feels him shake against his chest.

"No," he says, "it's not like that. It's not your fault." And he realizes, as Yusuke starts to softly, and so very quietly, cry into his shoulder, that perhaps those words apply to both of them.

Realizations and revelations, huh. Akira holds on tighter, his throat tightening with the words he wants to shout to the masses, the questions he always wanted to ask his own parents.

Maybe  _ he _ wasn't good enough. Is that it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n
> 
>   * **cw: child abuse discussion; violence/physical abuse mentions; emotional abuse mentions; child neglect mentions;**
>   * *sucks in breath through teeth* Yikes,,
>   * title from florence and the machine's 'no light no light' - which still fucking Slaps.
>   * requested by dear bri @EvilMuffins - guys. check out her fics or Else. bri is so so #goals
>   * projection? what you mean by 'projection'? hahahahahaha idk what you mean *sweats*
> 


**Author's Note:**

>   * **please comment/kudo if you read/liked,** feedback does matter a lot to us fic-writing folk c; to me, it matters even more than [coffee](https://ko-fi.com/A655IW0) and a nice large supply of Funny Internet Memes
> 



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